Graduation

It was a dream I kept saying i'll do it in three months ... but you know what i think i'll do it in two .. working like a mad man ... trying to get things done and things happen .. it's not as bad as i had thought it would be .. it's been hard .. i really havn't got too much sleep ... or food or anything which is technically suppose to be good for the system.. but then again don't they always say Dr's usually have the worst life style till they graduate...

So the good part is the more i am doing the more i am realising the amount i have learnt .. it use to seem like it was not much ..but suddenly doing all this work .. i realised i learnt allot in two years .. its not only about teeth ... i have picked up allot more .. there have been situations of dealing with the crap that you have to hear from patients to the crap you hear on the street's have knives pulled at you all that .. the whole spectrum ... and dealing with it calmly .. in a more composed manner ..

just the basic's .. saying thankyou to someone when they open a door , opening a door for a lady .. appreciating someones help it all goes hand in hand.. I was always told it's not as important to be a good clinician but someone who people like when they meet . it's that first impresion you give ... now i understand that line ..

( don't get me wrong here .. it's not like you can do without being good at your work .. but there are allot of people out there who are good at there wrk what make's you diffirent is .. that lil something .. )

Another 3 AM !!

Whose going to tell you when
It's too late
Whose going to tell you when
Things arn't to great ..

Whose going to pick you up
When you fall
Whose going to pay attention
To your dream
Whose going to plug there ear ,
When you scream

You really can't go on thinking
nothings wrong ,
whose going to drive you home
Tonight......

Whose going to hold you down
When you shake
Whose going to come around
When you break ( Ziggy Marley )


It was an awesome day in B town ... great weather ... I drove to a fort walked along the ocean ... The atlantic ... then sat there and read ... read allot .... started with the history of the ford mustang reached aston martin .. and finally started reading history .. like the history of the indian freedom fight... ( the irony was i was at the fort called the American Fort of Indepence)

Read and read some more there was just something missing I don't really know what it is that's missing but for the past few days i think there is something at home not to come bak to .. i guess that's to be alone .. it's scaring me all my friends are graduating and leaving and will be hear for a bit more .. I have my NERB clinical silly part left which is the only real stress left ...

It's nice to have a confidant and very hard to loose one ....

ok i can't write anymore i'm going into that sleepy mode when i tend to forget what i said ..i'll talk a whole lot about i don't even know what ...in the morning..

Good night.....

Is it a dream

So where is this dream coming from ? I won't mention the weather today or the date , won't mention the day or the time .. people ... there mere existance has changed the course of my life ... it's more to do with the fact that I am a little sad today .. I shouldn't go home for these short trips .. it really blow's me away from the reality that is... I am 10000 miles away from home... it's very worth it .. it's like a with or without you kind of thing ..... I am no longer in manipal from where it was like listen i am coming home for three days .... it's no longer that simple ...

I really want to be home .. and of many reasons there is that one reason in paticular......foolish maybe... smart maybe... kya hai yeh toh kudha hi janta hai ... I was speaking to a friend yesterday a guy whose much elder than me.... someone whose seen more of life .. a wise man shall i say ... he said ... it's not how many degree's you hang next to your name...... at the end of it Srijan it should make you happy... and if going back and going back for anything in paticular makes you happy then do it ... if you feel that it's not made you happy come back ... at 25 my friend you have your whole life ahead of you ... and if you want to take risks.. take them ... he said .. i'm not telling you to go jump of a plane without a parachute .. ofcourse you know why you think you want to go back and your not that stupid ....

But that's the thing ... sometimes i wonder ... am I ????????

Just a few more weeks !

And the choice you make between hating,loving and forgiving can become the choice of your life.... 12 am 3 degree centigrade april the 9th where the hell is the summer and how long do i still have to wait to see the sun .. just a few more weeks to go ... it's almost over this race towards a goal.. now it's the hard part... now it's the moment of truth ... now is the time i will be out there ... it's no more the sheltered existance and the mental peace...he'll decide if it's ready.. it's my clinical judgment... it's my decesion .. it's my treatment plan's.. it's my responsibilty... Awesome i have no worries.. i know i am ready ... let me at it .. it's just about having the confidence in your judgement of what is too be whether it be clinically or be about your decesions in life so ....I take the call and i claim full responsibility ... when some one says oh you hurt me .. or if i say you hurt me .. shit it's me who hurt me not you cause i gave you the power to do it... which is my choice after all it's a free world right .. i have the right to make that choice... whether right or wrong it's my choice...

Something just came to my mind and i had to write it .. as simple as it may be it has allot of meaning to it ... it's as i learn it inspired by nothing more than life itself....